Trying to help is challenging for this CAD patient
CAD symptoms limited my participation in a recent storm cleanup
It was a rather inauspicious start to a visit. I arrived after midnight one night and my daughter Gail didn’t allow the kids to wake me up the next morning. So, after gaining consciousness and orienting myself to my surroundings, I moved out of the basement bedroom and went upstairs to greet the family. But no one was around. Everything was quiet.
I had just flown in the night before to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. My plane landed around 10 p.m. and Gail said it was about an hour and a half to her home. I was being pushed in a wheelchair through the airport by a nice young man, who upon hearing our conversation, said, “We’re under a tornado warning.” Gail and I looked at each other and laughed.
We asked him for more details so we could make our plans. Together we evaluated the situation and decided to proceed instead of sheltering in the airport. The weather apps on our phones showed us the storm was to the southwest. We were headed away from it.
As we traveled, I enjoyed the spectacular lightning show way off in the distance. Since we weren’t near it, the beauty and raw power of the display held me enthralled.
Gail’s family, waiting for us at their house, heard the storm warnings, too. They wisely took shelter in their basement storm room. After the winds died down, they ventured forth. The kids went to bed, while her husband waited for the travelers to get home.
The morning told the tale. There were lots of downed limbs and trees throughout the neighborhoods. Several buildings showed significant damage. Gail’s family was lucky with only one downed tree branch. But when I woke up midmorning, everyone else was outside helping the next-door neighbors remove a downed tree from their yard.
How I helped
It’s during these kinds of situations when I feel most useless. There was work to be done, but I had no energy to do it. Then I felt guilty for being aware of my feelings instead of focusing on those who were suffering. I used to wield a formidable chain saw. Now, because cold agglutinin disease (CAD) has drained me of my energy, I am as helpful as a child.
CAD is a rare autoimmune disorder in which self-targeting antibodies attack and destroy red blood cells at low temperatures. Johns Hopkins Medicine explains the resulting fatigue this way: “If you have a lower than normal amount of red blood cells, you have anemia. When you have anemia, your blood can’t bring enough oxygen to all your tissues and organs. Without enough oxygen, your body can’t work as well as it should.”
A small portion of the downed tree in the neighbor’s yard. I “supervised” the cleanup efforts. (Photo by Mary Lott)
These depressive feelings are normal for those of us with CAD. In my case, I was once active, productive, and involved, but as my symptoms developed, my participation in routine activities dwindled. I frequently feel useless and parasitic. My life wasn’t like this before CAD.
Cleaning up wreckage is how we spent the first day of my visit. My son-in-law, my daughter, the neighbors, and other adults cut up the trees and branches. Then they loaded the debris into the back of a pickup truck and hauled it away to the city’s processing plant to be cut up and mulched. The kids and I raked and carried the smaller branches as long as our strength would allow us. They had more stamina than I did.
Beauty in the middle of the storm
I know these storms can be dangerous. Property is damaged, and some lives may be lost. I do not wish that on anyone. Nevertheless, I find beauty in the tempest.
I have always been fascinated by the sheer, raw, audacious power of storms as they pass over the places I’ve lived. I enjoy the feel of powerful winds blowing into my face. It is thrilling to hear the pine trees rustling back and forth.
As of this writing, I am at my house in Auburn, Alabama. My nephew lives here as well and manages things when my husband and I are overseas. He just came in and invited me onto the front porch.
“There is a storm to the north. Come and watch the lightning.”
Note: Cold Agglutinin Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cold Agglutinin Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cold agglutinin disease.
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Comments
Hazel Schmidt
Loved this message as I feel bad not helping to clean up after a storm. I hide behind the blinds and watch everyone else doing the work. It’s hard to explain to people about CAD.
Mary Lott
I'm glad you wrote this. I get tired and feel tremendously guilty when there is heavy lifting to do. Perhaps we should band together and go out to a movie at these times!