Combating negative self-talk on a rainy day with CAD

“You should’ve started writing earlier. Now you’ve wasted the time and won’t get it done by deadline. This is what you always do: You’re always late and disorganized. You really ought to give up. You’re not any good anyway.”

That voice in my head is my worst enemy. There’s a bit of truth — just a wee bit — in what it said. I am a procrastinator. A few times I’ve been accused of being disorganized, but I disagree with that accusation.

Lately, however, those statements are completely wrong. I’ve been keeping track to prove it to myself. Yet the voice is getting louder and more persistent. For this, I blame my cold agglutinin disease (CAD).

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September 16, 2024 by Mary Lott

Handling depression is part of this CAD patient’s life

Choosing not to listen to my inner voice

CAD is an autoimmune, hemolytic anemia. Persistent anemia reduces oxygen circulation, affecting the body. That inhibits organs — including the brain — from receiving everything they need. Although the link between depression and the lowered oxygen levels caused by anemia hasn’t been conclusively established, it’s noted that a high percentage of CAD patients do suffer from depression.

I’m in that high percentage of patients. And the voice in my head feeds off depression and becomes louder. However, I’ve developed strategies to argue back.

First, as soon as I realize I’m in a funk of self-negativity, I mentally tell the voice to stop. (Yes, more than one speaker in my head may be carrying on conversations.) Last night, for example, after I took unnecessary steps to help my husband, Mike, and our boys dry off from a sudden downpour, the voice started up again, telling me that I’m superfluous.

“Shut up!” I replied to the voice. “The towels may have been needed.” I think it’s permissible to be rude to such an inner voice.

Second, I counter that voice by mentioning specific ways in which the voice was wrong. I list good deeds that I’ve done, such as making financial gifts to needy people; helping someone in trouble along the side of the road; or buying a wagon for an elderly person who needs to carry groceries inside. I voice tangible ways that I was the right person at the right time.

After that, I refocus my mind by doing something different. I might go outside, as sunshine is a well-known mood lifter. Today it’s rainy, so my “outside” is looking at pictures of flowers.

Lastly, I spend time in prayer and reading the Bible. The beautiful poetry of the Book of Psalms raises my earthly thoughts to sublime heights. It reminds me of eternal truths and gives me insights into praise and glory.

CAD is a highly varied disease. The severity and specificity of symptoms depend on the person and their circumstances. In my case, my negative inner voice becomes intensified. Knowing that it’s caused by CAD helps me quiet the noise.

Strategies in a nutshell

Naming the negative thought, listing counter-thoughts, refocusing my mind, and practicing meditation are by no means exhaustive methods to erase self-negativity. Additional methods have been helpful to others, such as spending time in nature or calling a friend.

Today is a cloudy, dreary, and drippy day, and my nagging head-voice keeps trying to get my attention. So far, I’ve been too busy to listen. When I finish writing this column, I’ll open my Bible to the fourth chapter of the Epistle to the Philippians and read the eighth verse from the King James Version: “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Note: Cold Agglutinin Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cold Agglutinin Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cold agglutinin disease.