Attending church can be challenging for this CAD patient
CAD symptoms often hinder me from sitting through a service
Written by |
Sunday is my favorite day of the week. I enjoy getting together with like-minded believers to worship God. The teaching from the Bible, the sermon, is the best part, although standing to sing praises to the triune God brings a sublime joy to my heart.
However, cold agglutinin disease (CAD) has hindered my church attendance. I hadn’t been able to attend since before Christmas, but this past Sunday, I finally made it through a service.
I tried to go to the Maundy Thursday evening service before Easter, in commemoration of the Last Supper. I had rested throughout the day, so I had sufficient energy, and I had made sure not to overuse any muscles or joints, so I could forgo pain medicine that makes me drowsy and lightheaded. But I left the service during the first hymn.
One of my symptoms is shortness of breath. When it occurs, I start coughing, which escalates to the point of vomiting. I had forgotten that. But the singing brought back the breathlessness, and once the coughing started, I left the service quickly.
My determination is often overruled by the sudden appearance of a CAD symptom. In the case of the Maundy Thursday service, it was the cough. On Easter and the following Sunday, it was oversleeping.
At last, getting to my first service of the year
Granted, oversleeping is not a CAD symptom. But depression and insomnia are. So I have often stayed awake, as I did those weekends, until 2 a.m. Missing an activity I really want to attend makes me more depressed, which leads to more insomnia and oversleeping. The circle goes around and around.
Last weekend, I made a determined effort to be awake enough to dress and drive to church on Sunday morning. My spirits were lifted as I greeted churchgoers I’ve known for a long time. I read the order of worship and rose with the rest of the congregation for the invocation.
I had already decided to only follow along with the hymns and not sing. If I didn’t sing, I might not cough. If I didn’t cough, I might be able to make it through the service.
What I had forgotten about was the lightheadedness that had plagued me for the last several weeks. This, too, is a symptom of CAD. I have a habit of balancing myself by touching or holding the pew in front of me, but even that didn’t help. By the third verse of the hymn, the people around me seemed to be floating in the air, somehow disconnected from each other.
I sat down and remained there for the rest of the service. I didn’t sing. I didn’t stand. Fortunately, I’ve never been reproached for my seeming lack of reverence. Still, I wish things didn’t have to be this way.
Fellowship with friends after the service
When the service ended, as is our custom, I greeted my neighbors in the pew. Terri is a prayer partner of mine, which means we share what we’re grateful for and what we’ve found challenging. Then, individually, we talk to God about these items. It was wonderful to see and hug her.
As we talked, she noted that I was still pale, that the usual, light-olive coloring of my Armenian heritage hadn’t quite returned. I agreed and told her my hemoglobin count was lower than I’d like, which is why I’m still in the United States. (I live in Papua, Indonesia, but return to my home state of Alabama for medical care.)
As we chatted, another friend stopped by to greet me with her husband, who is my internal medicine doctor and saw me following my hospitalization in January. His first comment, after greeting me and saying how nice it was to see me at church, was a word of encouragement: “I see your color is returning.”
Caught between two worlds
Those two observations, that I’m pale and that my color is returning, exactly fit my current world. Yes, I’m better — indeed, much better than I was in January and February. But I’m not all better yet — I’m in a type of limbo. A doctor from Germany has expressed concern that living in a developing country with poor healthcare might not be the wisest decision for me. She may be right.
Note: Cold Agglutinin Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cold Agglutinin Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cold agglutinin disease.
Leave a comment
Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published.